“Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, son.” ~ Dean Vernon Wormer, Animal House
Welcome to the Futum, as politics and tabloids have, finally, completely merged. Imagine “ELIZABETH TAYLOR” in the following headline and you’ll see what I mean:
Christie reveals secret stomach surgery to lose weight
[Rupert Murdoch's] New York Post
By TARA PALMERI and BETH DEFALCO
Last Updated: 3:59 AM, May 7, 2013
Posted: 3:01 AM, May 7, 2013
New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie secretly underwent lap-band stomach surgery to aggressively slim down for the sake of his wife and kids, he revealed to The Post last night.
The Garden State governor agreed to the operation at the urging of family and friends after turning 50 last September.
He told The Post he was thinking of his four kids and how it was time to start improving his health when he decided to have the procedure.
“I’ve struggled with this issue for 20 years,” he said. “For me, this is about turning 50 and looking at my children and wanting to be there for them.”
Ah, so instead of bribing hospital staff and staking out hotels, Christie CHOSE Murdoch’s Post as his friendly messaging machine. No surprises there. Move along, move along. (“SECRET SURGERY”! sounds like a soap opera, frankly. Too cheesy to be real.)
But we have finally managed to bring politics to the level of tabloid faux scandals and heartwarming gushy bullshit.
“I did it for my family.”
Here’s the actual caption that the POST
put to this AP stock photograph in the story:
HEAVY DUTY: Jersey Gov. Chris Christie
told The Post last night he had
lap-band surgery Feb. 16 because he
wants to stay alive for his kids.
You believe that don’t you? Or perhaps, rather than a cynical political ploy to run in 2016, he’s picking up the weight-loss mantle and political playbook of Huckolas Huckabee at Dickens Central, who launched his presidential run with a weight loss book/crusade, and then launched his media career via his presidential run.
Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, son.
And stop readin’ them tabloids and git ter doin’ yer chores.
UPDATE: I am reliably informed that a lot of people don’t know what “lap band” (laparoscopic surgery + stomach banding) surgery is. Here’s a quick primer.
It’s an operation for radical weight loss, and, as a variant of bariatric surgery, does NOT involve chopping up the stomach or duodenum … e.g. it is reversable.
Adjustable Gastric Band (Wikipedia)