The Snarkoleptics Attack

The big story is, of course, the perfectly stage-managed “who is it?” media frenzy that the Obama campaign whipped up for the Democratic Convention. (It’s Joe Biden, but then everybody knows that now). The Veepstakes, as media has now dullardly dubbed it.

But the other story is the Rightie blogosmear™. I’m not actually going to dignify it with anything other than, most sane people I know got over acting like this in Junior High School. (So I’m returning the favor graphically.)

I mean it’s let’s make fun of his name. Let’s make fun of his birth. Let’s make fun of anything he says “wrong.” Let’s make fun of, well, you get the point. The minute the announcement was made, half of the shitflies of the Reich Ving  peeled off, as though they were following a horse with diarrhea.

And it’s all so transparently fake. Take a look at Bill Kristol. (Go ahead, I dare ya’s.)

Please, somebody, try to convince me that little Billy Kristol didn’t spend his entire (private) school years with a wedgie, and with “KICK ME” Scotch taped® to his backside.

He’s still ALMOST that pathetic, shedding the phoniest of crocodile tears over Hillary Clinton (and hoping to stir up any enmity that he can that might be left over from the primaries):

The Democrats’ Glass Ceiling
Denver

So Hillary Clinton gets about 18 million votes in 2008, and isn’t even considered for–she apparently isn’t even given the courtesy of being consulted–the vice presidential pick. Joe Biden manages to persuade a few thousand (if that) Iowans to support him. And Barack Obama selects Biden? Normally, if the VP pick came from that year’s presidential field, it’s the runner-up (Kerry-Edwards in 2004, Reagan-Bush in 1980, Stevenson-Kefauver in 1956). (Lyndon Johnson in 1960 hadn’t entered the primaries.) And Biden wasn’t even the third most successful candidate this year (hi, John Edwards!), or fourth (Bill Richardson, I suppose), or fifth (Dennis Kucinich!).

Coming from the chairman and co-founder of PNAC (who doesn’t pay his webpage bills), Rupert Murdoch’s catamite, and a stalwart in the Party of Misogyny and Racism, that’s hilarious stuff. Someone give him another wedgie. (It’ll be sweet nostalgia for ol’ Kristol-nicht.)

Oh, and in case you’d forgotten, they’re keeping a seat warm for sleazemaster Goldfarb, temporarily detached to McCain to do Rove’s bidding (sidebar on the Weekly Standard’s blog):

They come off as junior high school bullies, but, really, they all seem to be dweebish, ineffectual nudniks who like to talk “bad” and act “tough.” Seriously. Rush Limbaugh? We’re talking “squeal like a pig” in Deliverance, kiddies. You think Rush ever kicked sand in anybody’s face? One imagines him more like the hapless character “Flounder” in Animal House.

One cannot ever know how many red welts that “El Rushbo” acquired on his fat ass in the locker room back in his high school (or GED) days, but we know that it was undoubtedly plenty. And, of course, the Pittsburgh police reports on “Jeff Christie’s” arrest for “soliciting a gay man” on Winthrop Street in the early ’70s can no longer be located. Hmmm. Not a pitcher, that’s for sure. A natural born catcher if ever there was one.

These weren’t the bullies in high school: they’re just pretending to be them now that they’re safe behind their “celebrity.”

Which also seems to apply to a gazillion of these foul-mouthed, hebephrenic keyboard strokers. Or consider Michelle Malkin, who probably spent most of her high school days in the girl’s bathroom crying about this or that. I’m sure that she wasn’t the picker as much as the pickee.

That was before she sold her soul to Satan (or, more likely, one of his regional sales representatives, e.g. Scratch or Mephistopheles.)

Or consider Hugh Hewitt. Were he merely a mammal, and not a consummate insult to the power of articulate speech, Hewitts would undoubtedly be a staple in any feral cat’s diet.

With unintended irony, our Rightie Rodent Hugh squeaks on TownHall:

The fall campaign is shaping up as one of substance and achievement versus hot air; of seriousness on subjects such as the war, energy and growing the economy versus endless speechifying and gaffes.

Gotta watch them rhetorical “fill in the blank” statements, Bucky Bucktooth: You might mistakenly think that McCain is the bloviating gaffer trying to get a grip. (And Goldfarb is his Best Boy).

No: these are fake bullies, safe behind their microphones in (as with Michael Savage) hidden studios, or anonymous behind their blogs (which allow no comment, because, as we know, Reich Vingers can ONLY win one-sided debates). They pretend to be their ancient antagonists, their grade school oppressors: their rhetorical choices give them away. Neener neener poo-poo.

With “clever” bully blogs like “Wake Up America” and “Stop the ACLU” our former whipping boys now bray bravely into the ether.But they’re all puffer-fish, and it’s really sad to see how far the debate has devolved, as they attempt to paint Obama via guilt by free association on more and more trivial, assinine, juvenile grounds.

Kind of pathetic, actually.

Hope they don’t meet any REAL bullies walking home from the store. For all their macho bluster (especially Malkin and Coulter), they still seem to be waiting for their testicles to descend.

It’s going to be a long wait, one imagines.

Courage.

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