Riffing on the Microencephalic Right that Writes

Back in Reagan’s toxic 1980s, I used to write a monthly column for Adam Magazine (RIP) entitled, imaginatively, “Hart Williams Presents.”

The Grand Prix story was mine, too

The premise was a simple one: I would take headlines from the supermarket tabloids and comment on them. Since the headlines were so outrageous, the column pretty well wrote itself. My favorite all time headline?

MYSTERY OF THE VILLAGE OF IDIOTS

To which I commented, naturally,

“What is the name of our village?” they cried.

Well, the Weekly World News is gone now, replaced by WorldNutDaily. But the premise works so well with Rightie Blogs and their Headlines (the last time that a head is ever used in their compositions) that I’m reviving it. So, the first installment in an occasional series: Hart Williams Presents.

There was always an intro, like this …

Now, Keith Olbermann posted a request for information on the Huffington Post and Daily Kos, asking for info on Glenn Beck, as Beck had asked for information on Van Jones, and NOW is asking for smear information on Cass Sunstein, a  professor at the University of Chicago Law School when Obama knew him. (From 1981-2008 and a visiting professor now;  he’s “currently the Felix Frankfurter Professor of Law at Harvard Law School.” I DO understand why all that book larnin’ would freak out the Wingnuts. But even the insane rightie Wall Street Journal Editors endorse him.) Now,  Beck wants his head, Georgia Senator Saxby Chambliss (R, BatshitCrazyLand) has put a hold on him, and Beck has called out the flies that he is Lord of. (OK: Duke.)

So Olbermann wants to see if Beck can take his own medicine.

But he didn’t count on the psych(ot)ic powers of Lower Wingnuttia, who immediately discovered Olbermann’s ‘evil’ request and swarmed on him. Here’s a sampling…

Keith Olbermann / Daily Kos:
Send Me Everything You Can Find About Glenn Beck

• Jeff Poor / NewsBusters.org: Olbermann to Daily Kos Audience: ‘Send Me Everything You Can Find About Glenn Beck’

If you’ve seen how ugly these Newsbusters toads are (led by the grotesque Brent Bozo), you’d be glad to know that they can read. Sort of.

Poor Jeff, and this is the GOOD picture

• Ace / Ace of Spades HQ:   Olby to the Kos Kids: Send Me Every Rumor or Slander You Have on Glenn Beck

And it’s good to have someone to translate for the Average Rightie Reader (ARR) — who generally only speaks pidgin English.

• William A. Jacobson / Le·gal In·sur·rec· tion:   Glenn Beck Boycott Lessons Not Learned

Setting aside the unintentional irony of a Rethug talking about not learning, this sounds about as interesting as watching paint dry! Then again, so’s he.

• Patrick / Political Byline:   Prepare for Liberal Backlash Against Conservatives!

Oh right. Like you’ve ever seen one, or are askeert.

Patrick’s snow trick

• Ed Driscoll / Pajamas Media:   There’s Got To Be A Morning After

But with a complexion like his, it’s usually an autopsy. Here, he boots his steam-powered laptop:

Driscoll attempts to boot his
steam-powered computer

• Sammy Benoit / YID With LID:   Keith Olbermann’s HEAD Explodes Because of Van Jones

Setting aside the racial self-slur (and wondering what he’d say if someone ELSE called him that): WOW! I don’t know what you’ve been smoking, dude, but where can WE get some? Rare to find stuff strong enough to cause hallucinations these days.

Photo of   “lid” from Sammy’s website

• Bruce McQuain / QandO:   Keith Olberman: “V” Is For Vendetta

Oooh. The literate one of the bunch. He reads graphic novels! (And plagiarizes  titles as a substitute for thinking. Kind of like “Hamburger Helper” for the cerebral cortex.)

McQuain Unable

• ToxicHypoxic / Peoples Press Collective:   And Now They Come For Beck … Most of us recall earlier this year …

Amazing how they always project what THEY’re doing on the opposition. So, what does that tell us about their projection that Obama is going to turn the USA into a socialist dictatorship? Hmmmm.

“Most of us recall earlier this year“  is, of course, because a significant portion of his audience is undergoing electroshock therapy, and can’t be ignored, demographically, but must be reminded diplomatically.

• Donald Douglas / American Power:   Keith Olbermann’s Anti-Glenn Beck Jihad!

Jihad? JIHAD? Oooh. I guess when you’ve taken the time to learn all those anti-Muslim slur words (like, say, “dhimmi,” which only Ayatollahs and right wing nutjobs understand) you’ve got to use them, no matter HOW inappropriate. Only so many brain cells left after all that binge drinking in college.

“funny” pic from Douglas’ website

• Erick Erickson / Erick’s blog:   Keith Olbermann is Television’s Norman Bates

You ever notice how these goons don’t read books, but seem to watch a lot of movies? Ever notice how Erick Erickson is the Blogosmear’s Master Bates? And how appropriate that “Psycho” is his favorite movie!

• Don Surber:   Olbermann will take on Beck  —  You ever see a chihuahua take on a pitbull?

Ah. So THAT explains what happened to your face. And your brainstem.

Nope — this photo hasn’t been
manipulated or retouched.
Surber really DOES look this creepy.

• theblogprof:   Moonbat Keith Olbermann Declares Jihad Against Glenn Beck Over Van Jones Resignation

Birdbrains of a featherweight regurgitate alike, I guess. (See above).

• Duane Lester / All American Blogger:   Olbermann Wants Everything You Have On Glenn Beck

But, alas, you couldn’t read deep enough into his short post to find out why. (Still, I’m sure there’s a great flick in that old VHS of yours that’s blinking “12:00.”)

• BrianinMO / Freedom’s Lighthouse:   MSNBC’s Keith Olbermann Launches Effort to Destroy Glenn Beck

I guess in a world of illiterates, knowledge = destruction. Poor guy couldn’t even spell “Brain” right. Sad. Sad. So terribly, terribly sad.

“Show me!”

• Curt / Flopping Aces:   Olbermann Gets His Feelings Hurt….Wants Liberals To Inform On Glenn Beck

Ooh, again that KNOWLEDGE and INFORMATION = SCARY to dumbasses meme.

Well, I read the piece and can only suggest to “Curt” (who, evidently  still has trouble telling the difference between his “R” key and his “N” key) that, in the vernacular: Dude! Lay off the ‘Shrooms until AFTER the Jerry Lewis Telethon. Maybe altogether. You seem to flip out into paranoia.

Curt Flops an Ace
while dropping a Deuce

• GottaLaff / The Political Carnival:   Olbermann: Send Me Everything You Can Find About Glenn Beck

Another solid (cowardly) citizen, translating for his illiterate comrades.

Gotta Laff Gotta Puke

• Dan / Riehl World View:   No Ratings Pantywaist Perv Targets Glenn Beck

He’s clearly trying to show just how many slurs one can pack into a pseudo-macho headline, and with a face like that, I can understand WHY the “macho” pose. (After all, we’ve all heard “A Boy Named Sue.”)

Some have even read Wilde’s “The Portrait of Dorian Gray.” This would be ‘the portrait.’

Worse, Riehl majored in homosexual “journalism” and “writing” in “college.”

His truckdrivin’, VHS-movie-watchin’ peers must be threatened by all that effeminate learnin’ and sech. And he would never be caught DEAD eating quiche, even if he could spell it. (Which he can’t.)

“Psycho” is HIS favorite movie, as well, for Riehl-ly obvious reasons.

His sordid history of blowing sailors for cash under the Santa Monica pier has, thankfully, vanished into the aether of the California Statute of Limitations, but his blog remains one long, loving tribute to his felching days of yore.

Don’t you just love the smell of false macho in the morning?

It smells like bigotry!

Come back to the Five and Dime, Butt Plug Bob, Butt Plug Bob!

Click me to see my special 2005 Christmas Message!

Courage.

——————————–

UPDATE 12:51 PM PDT:

“Sir” Riehl has come up with another masterwork of Looking Glass Logick, sneering at the text, posted by the White House, of Obama’s speech to school kids tomorrow. A Sir Riehl excerpt:

Aside from the general creep out factor of a POTUS who feels he needs to address the children in such a prominent way, I will take exception to this below in bold. And some of the folksy, personal crap grates, as well. All things considered, I find the whole concept a bad idea. [...]

You’ll need the insights and critical thinking skills you gain in history and social studies to fight poverty and homelessness, crime and discrimination, and make our nation more fair and more free.

Seriously: THAT’s what he objects to. Well,  I can understand why he’d object to “fairness” and “freedom,” given his past as a Bush felcher. But what I can’t understand is how he’d be so stoooooopid as to say so in print.