South Carolina’s Christmas Gift to the Nation

In 1860, South Carolina had a very special gift for the United States of America.

click photo to enlarge

On December 24, 1860, having declared Secession on December 20th, 1860, unhappy with the results of the November election of Abraham Lincoln (who would not be inaugurated for months), South Carolina explained why they were starting the Civil War, although that nomenclature would not be universally adopted to this very day, with Southern Revisionists calling it “The War of Northern Aggression” in their textbooks for generations, and thence to claim it was not about slavery, but, instead, States’ Rights and Tariffs. (They still talk about “States’ Rights” but not so much about tariffs.)

Great for those fine “Christian warriors” to dump this turd into the Punchbowl of History on Christmas Eve:

A Christmas Eve Story for the Whole Famn Damily

Pseudo-Rod Serling intro [for parody purposes only]:

Picture if you will: a man. A mall. A terrifying invasion. But there’s something different about this invasion, a difference that could only show up … in the [Copyright laws suggest that it is not prudent to name the tagline here, our counsel suggests vociferously, albeit sotto voce in mellifluous counselly tones, not quite dulcet and yet not ulcer'd. Butt soft, methinks animated bears are selling toilet paper on teevee ...]  [CUE MUSIC]

The Christmas the Aliens Came

Most of you remember the terror, and how it began. Sheerest chance that the invaders appeared at that time of year, or that they arrived at Pismo Beach, California at a shopping mall.

Most of it’s been declassified now, so I can fill in the spots you don’t know. I was working as a tech at Sandia National Laboratories in Albuquerque, so I know the whole story.