A Higher Astro of Turfiness

Click for a somewhat abbreviated version
(h/t Tengrain @ Mock, Paper, Scissors)

On the one hand, CNN seems corporately very interested in legitimizing the “Tea Party Express” — a group that Tea Partiers (correctly) call “astroturf” (i.e. “fake grass roots”) — but on the other hand, that corporate interest is rapidly DElegitimizing CNN. To trace the arc of CNN’s descent, one need go no further than CNN’s “coverage” of the State of the Union Address, which even CSPAN handled in a far superior manner. CNN, in pandering to the slavered-after Faux Nooz™ demographic had “CNN Analyst” Eric Erickson of RedState blithely shoveling HIS ordure, and, sad to say, I don’t know WHO the “liberal blogger” type was, but he seemed more a Jack Webb hippie than an actual hippie.

What?

Oh, a little story from our bygone past might throw some light on this clotted septic disaster in the middle of CNN’s dark night. Once upon a time, there was a radio show, and then a TV show called “Dragnet.”

Its conceit was that stories were taken directly from court records.  Court records ares public domain (viz. “cheap”), after all, and after you apply the screenwriter’s hammer, story being infinitely ductile, it pounds out to whatever shape that you like. Dragnet used to end with “ON AUGUST 35TH, NINETEEN FIFTY EIGHT, TRIAL WAS HELD IN SUPERIOR COURT OF THE MUNICIPALITY OF LOS ANGELES FOR THE STATE OF CALIFORNIA. IN A MOMENT, THE RESULTS OF THAT TRIAL.”

Effective cliffhanger to shove in a couple more commercials. And, y0u might note that all the “Law & Order” shows use fundamentally the same concept — grab stories from court cases — but adds the courtroom scene for the second half-hour.

Some formats remain eternal.

It was when Jack Webb as Sergeant Friday, and Harry Morgan (later of MASH) as his partner starred on the color “Dragnet” on TV that the Jack Webb hippie started making his appearance. You see, Jack Webb was a real hard-core Orange County/Joe McCarthy kind of rabid Southern California KKKonservative, and he REALLY didn’t like hippies. So, he spent a big chunk of 1967-1970 (the color incarnation of Dragnet) going after them. Except … he REALLY didn’t like hippies.

Note the “legalize pot” button

So, he’d hire these Über-straight, crew-cut, Camp Pendleton Marine-types to play the hippies, then then he’d stick them in Beatle wigs, Nehru jackets, bell-bottoms and peace medallions … and the thespian results were — shall we say? — less than convincing. Fortunately, however, the theurgic results were as wonderful as could expected from the Tea Party Express’ (Sacramento) point of view.

oh yeah, that’s his REAL hair — sooo shiny and blue

Jack was a True Believer, not much different than Tea Partiers of today. He believed in “traditional” values, and thought that the kids were nuts.  That’s why he kicked off the first episode of the reincarnated Dragnet with the story of a kid who OVERDOSES ON LSD. Yes, his sad death makes for a film noir final shot:

The overdosed hippie (not shown) and his stoned friend (at right)

So, he couldn’t HIRE a hippie to play a hippie. No: he hired guys so straight-laced that no self-respecting police department would have ever put them out on the streets as undercover officers. Everything about them screamed: “SQUARE.”

No, he’s not a judge or a lost choir member during Mardi Gras. He’s a “TV host”

You can put a wig on a crewcut, but he’s still a crewcut.

No stereotyping here …

So, too, CNN seems to hate Tea Partiers.

And so, they “hire” the sort of “Tea Party” that they can accept. Jack Webb hippies.

Because, evidently, they can’t HIRE a Tea Partier to play and actual Tea Partier. Instead, they go with what they’re familiar with, and put hippie wigs on them:

Michelle Bachmann (favorite for many years of Club for Growth). And the Tea Party Express, started after the successful takedown of California Governor Gray Davis, by the same major players, it isn’t actually “Tea Party” but a money making venture of Russo, Marsh + Rogers, a Sacramento California “political” shop.

I’ve chronicled their pedigree at great length.

And CNN COULD know, if they wanted to know. But, even though the Tea Party Express (and Michelle Bachmann) are no more “tea party” than Jack Webb hippies are hippies, CNN decided to run their “media event” as if they were as legitimate as the President of the United States.

Hippie, beatnik, what’s the difference?

Which is a new wrinkle.

In a country where the news media delegitimizes the sitting president of the United States, whether he be Clinton or Obama, NOW legitimizes front operations, as THOUGH they were as legitimate as the sitting president of the United States.

Woo hoo.

Jack Webb hippies.

Sure is a lot of fake hair goin’ on here

But CNN, what a joke you’ve managed to become.

Now, this hippie sells Farmers Insurance, bum bum de bumbum, dum de dum

Oh, and did I mention that Michelle Bachmann managed to look weirdly off to the side where her teleprompter was during the entire “rebuttal”?

Never mind. Just go back to sleep, CNN. You’ll be one with eternity soon, seems like.

Courage.