Since nobody else is stepping up to the plate, I’d like to apologize on my countrymen’s behalf.
First, to China:
I am deeply sorry that a prominent American blowhard decided to characterize your citizenry as having had sexual relations with your respective mothers. This is a grave insult virtually everywhere, except, alas, for America and American media, who gleefully repeated the slur (tastefully censoring it without removing the meaning) without once considering that civility to other nations ought to draw reprimands and condemnation from our citizenry. On behalf of them, I apologize for this unforgivable crudity.
Second, to Canada: