For the premiere of “Dumb Frankenstein,” the latest fare from Breitbart Studios, or, as they style it, “2.0” the reeling Breitbartian craftspersons needed some real star power to launch their homunculus, so they chose the ever-wacky comedienne Sarah Palin.
The viral poster
This is the poster that the Breitbartians intend to shove into viral existence, stitched together from inanimate parts, some stolen from a fresh grave.
Yes, the shocking lack of respect for the dead is, perhaps, a hallmark of Breitbartia, but one would think that the corpse would be allowed to cool before “reanimating” it, in a sort of club-footed attempt to mimic the iconic “Hope” poster of President Obama by Shepard Fairey.
Ms. Palin’s non-viral poster
With the death of Breitbart, the conservative movement didn’t just lose a General – we lost an entire Special Forces Division. But he didn’t leave us without the tools and the knowledge we need to fight. This website – Breitbart 2.0 – is the culmination of his study of the technology and aesthetics of new media.
Then, the patented “I don’ get no respeck” routine:
Breitbart’s most immediate mission was the belated vetting of Barack Obama. This obviously is an issue very near and dear to my heart. During the ’08 campaign, the same media that reported breathlessly about an old used tanning bed I purchased to get some sun during the dark Alaskan winter, couldn’t be bothered to investigate Barack Obama’s associations, statements or even his voting record as a state senator. Suntans and what I wore on the campaign trail were more important than Obama’s political background. Unbelievable.
Then, she ratchets it up to her classic Ricky Ricardo “LOOOOOOSEY!”
See? It says “quid pro quo”!
Barack Obama and I both served in political office in states with a serious corruption problem. Though there is a big difference between serving as the CEO of a city, then a state, and regulating domestic energy resources, and being a liberal Community Organizer, bear with me on the comparison. The difference between my record and Barack Obama’s is that I fought the corrupt political machine my entire career (and I have twenty years of scars to prove it) on the local, state, and national level. But Obama didn’t fight the corruption he encountered. He went along with it to advance his career. Graft, cronyism, and quid pro quo are the methods of the Chicago political machine from which he emerged. You would think the media – those watchdogs of the public trust – would be interested in this. But they refused to vet Barack Obama. With tingles up their legs, they shielded him.
And then, the punchine:
He ["Breitbart" -- and never "Mr. Breitbart," or "Andrew Breitbart," but just bizarrely inanimate "Breitbart"] was a genius at new media, but his real gift was that he was fearless at a time when too many people are afraid and are retreating. Courage inspires courage. Fearlessness emboldens others to follow your lead.
Ahh, “emboldens.” It almost makes up for the ” a whole new generation of conservatives has been inspired.” (Uh, try “have” been inspired; the “conservatives” were inspired, not the “generation.”)
Because, as all etymologists know, “embolden” is a prebilabial intensifying verbal circumfix.
Although this poster would’ve been more accurate.
The plague poster
* Usage note: I have been as careful with Ms. Palin’s prose (because it wasn’t ghost-written or nothin’ — as we all know to be true) as she has been with the facts in the matters she discusses.