Spiking the Football

If you join Team Lars you get a special gift!

Lars Larson has a face for radio. The less said the better. But old Lars has managed to parlay his Portland, Oregon three-hours of hatespeak and faux-Limbaughian Ideological holiness into an additional three hours of national syndication. But, tell you what; here’s the kind of listeners Lars has:


(* all five star: *****, thus “By:” is actually “*****  [date]“, i.e. ***** February 17, 2010)

Customer Reviews

February 17, 2010

By: Earl W (Kenosha, WI) Perfect hat, you are a champ Lars

February 03, 2010

By: Roman D (El Paso, TX) This is the pride of my hat collection.

February 01, 2010

By: Johnathan R (Flagstaff, AZ) Just got this today, thank you for the nice hat.

January 28, 2010

By: Irene A (Casper, WY) I gave this as a gift to my husband who loves Lars and is an avid hunter.

January 27, 2010

By: Monty W (Lake Placid, NY) Very fine cap! Good cap with a good message.

January 26, 2010

By: Chris E (Milwaukee, WI) I get nice compliments when I am out and about with this on. Our freedom in the country is very important thanks to the Second Amendment.

January 25, 2010

By: Bill J (Plainfield, IN) Our second amendment and Lars, the best 2 things our country has!

January 25, 2010

By: Dirk G (Akron, OH) Nicely made cap, just as good as the one I paid lot more for at the feed store.

January 04, 2010

By: PI (hoffington, TX) Love the hat.

December 19, 2009

By: John R. (Topeka, KS) I love this hat. I’m getting another one for my dad for christmas.

What is this incredible hat? But … wait. There’s something extremely odd about those ‘reviews,’ you might note, if you’ve ever read any comments anywhere. Take a moment. What do you notice?

Sure. We’re real.

 They are ALL perfect.

One or two short, grammatically correct* sentences. No egregious spelling errors, and no punctuation/usage errors except for the very first sentence, nexst to last entry and the very last word, as the thief relocks the door on his way out.

[Or, as grammatically and unambiguously said as Americans get.]

Sorry. Doesn’t happen.

Go look at the comments section of anywhere, anytime (except for, say very specialized blogs, like writers’ boards or academic blogs) and you will never see anything as perfect as this.

Tellingly, however, they are all perfect in that they exactly address the selling points of the special merchandise, and THAT never EVER happens. All on topic?

All perfectly grammatical, all perfectly spelled, all perfectly apropos AND all Five Star! Highest Rating! Oh, and all appropriately folksy. No talk of Obama as the Devil; no sneering at liberals. Which makes it an utter rarity in all Conservative comments sections. Mirabile dictu!

Even when you admit cleaning up the spelling, it doesn’t happen, and even if you DID, why leave “Christmas” uncapitalized and the first period off? Unless, of course, your intent was to deceive with the old “appeal to popular opinion” fallacy. Hmmm. This is a puzzlement.

Of course, “all” the reviews cover a very narrow date range between Christmas season 2009 and Mid-February 2010. They have the “top” reviews on the page, but, funny thing is, when you click “all reviews,” the only new review that pops up is the last, bad “Christmas” spelling comment. Perhaps not perfect enough.

OK: they’re trying to “sell” you. You probably “get” that, but then you ask, “so what?”

And you get this answer. Because it doesn’t bother you that he’s lying to you.

Here’s the hat:

Great. You’re hiding, pissed off and have guns.

Which segues to this steaming turd dropped on the streets of Manhattan today:

Why look, the Negro is doing one of those obscene End Zone Touchdown Dances! Buzz Feed comments on its screencap above:

New York Post Mocks Obama’s Afghanistan Trip  —  Two schools of thought: Obama is at risk of being seen as politicizing national security.  Or, any day spent talking about Osama Bin Laden, and not the economy, is a good one.

But that misses the reptile brain point. The linkage is to THIS image:

Gay Satan-worshipping Negroes invoke
Goat-headed One to shocked onlookers 

I’m exaggerating. Or am I?

The dog whistles are getting pretty damned loud, even if you’re hard of hearing from all those rock concerts when you were a kid.

Certainly the madness is deep in the blood. If you’ll join “Team Lars” you too can have a camouflage cap with your inviolable right to have guns emblazoned on it. How the hell is that not hostile and paranoid? Or, as Ollie North told Lars this morning: “Oh, I forgot to mention, I’m a Board Member of the NRA and a lifetime member.”

But they weren’t there to talk about the NRA. North was hyping his upcoming “appearance” which Lars would be on stage at. With a cell phone connection so bad Lars would have 86ed any other guest, North painfully answered Larson’s questions about “was Obama spiking the ball in Afghanistan” the “perfect” thought that all rightie bloggers and talk show hosts mysteriously came up with at the same exact moment, sometime yesterday. (Possibly accompanied by the distinct mechanical whirr of a fax machine.)

Isn’t that just “perfect”?

And, one must bear in mind that the Rovian Hand does its swiftboating by attrition, by relentlessly beating the association into the reptile brain of listeners and viewers.

Did I mention that Oliver North is a wholly owned subsidiary of Rupert Murdoch, UnLTD. just like the New York Post?

The “indispensable man” for GOP power politix

But don’t worry. The News Corp board of Directors has just issued this flash:  News Corporation Board of Directors Issues Unanimous Statement of Support for Rupert Murdoch

Or that the strange British Newspaper memes (like the one that launched the “Swiftboating” of Obama and the death of Osama bin Laden yesterday) began appearing coincident with Murdoch’s ascension to Republican Kingmaker? About twenty years ago?

The British Are Coming JOSH MARSHALL APRIL 30, 2012, 10:17 PM For the last twenty years or so, Republican presidential campaigns have used the British tabloid press to pitch their hit pieces that couldn’t get placed in the more professional US press. (Yes, it’s a pretty sad commentary on journalism in the UK but that’s where foreign intelligence services usually plant or pay in their disinformation campaigns too.) You can see here the first efforts of the folks around the Romney campaign to push what amounts to a ‘Navy Seals for Truth’ pitch to defend the former Massachusetts Governor. (The piece is being pushed on Drudge, which has worked closely with the Romney camp all through the primaries.)

And Ollie North wasn’t that interested in it, but practiced his new line, equating Theater of War with Political Theater. And reinforcing the “anybody woulda/coulda/shoulda done it. I’m sure that any black person could have done what Jesse Owens did in Berlin. And any black ballplayer could have done what Jackie Robinson did.

It’s just them being all uppity and dancing in the End Zone after doing what anybody could have done. (Oh, and did you hear that HE didn’t do it? Lars whispered conspiratorially. Some Navy guy had operational control. See? It wasn’t even him.

The uppity n…. oops. Can’t say that. We just say it with New York Post covers.) That’s why we needs us some guns.


Oliver North, convicted felon

He is, you know. He wasn’t exonerated, but his conviction was overturned on appeal, on the technicality that his testimony before Congress was “immune” and that the conviction had, in some small manner, been “tainted” by said immunity. Thus to the guilty walk free.

Remember I was talking about the deal that was made with the Ayatollah to hold the hostages until the election so that Reagan could win, and, if they did, then they’d sell spare parts to Iran for its war with Iraq, because all the hardware in the Iranian military was U.S. made? (Our jets, our missiles, etc. sold to the Shah of Iran to get some of his mega-oil bucks back from the Middle East.)

Oliver North was the bagman responsible for doing just that. Wikipedia:

 North came into the public spotlight as a result of his participation in the Iran-Contra affair, a political scandal of the late 1980s, in which he claimed partial responsibility for the sale of weapons via intermediaries to Iran, with the profits being channeled to the Contras in Nicaragua. He was reportedly responsible for the establishment of a covert network, which aided the Contras. The Boland Amendment (to the House Appropriations Bill of 1982 and subsequent years) prohibited the appropriation of U.S. funds by intelligence agencies for this purpose at that time, thus the search for alternative funding sources. Funding was facilitated through Palmer National Bank of Washington, D.C. It was founded in 1983 by Harvey McLean, Jr., a businessman from Shreveport, Louisiana. and was initially funded with $2.8 million dollars by Herman K. Beebe. North supposedly used this bank during the Iran-Contra scandal by funneling money from his shell organization, the “National Endowment for the Preservation of Liberty,” through Palmer National Bank to the Contras.

According to the National Security Archive, in August 23, 1986 e-mail to National Security Advisor John Poindexter, Oliver North described a meeting with a representative of Panamanian DictatorManuel Noriega: “You will recall that over the years Manuel Noriega in Panama and I have developed a fairly good relationship,” North writes before explaining Noriega’s proposal. If U.S. officials can “help clean up his image” and lift the ban on arms sales to the Panamanian Defense Force, Noriega will “‘take care of’ the Sandinista leadership for us.”

North told Poindexter that Noriega could assist with sabotage against the Sandinistas and supposedly suggested that Noriega be paid one million dollars in cash, from “Project Democracy” funds raised from the sale of U.S. arms to Iran—for the Panamanian leader’s help in destroying Nicaraguan economic installations.

In November 1986, as the sale of weapons was made public, North was dismissed by President Ronald Reagan, and, in July 1987, he was summoned to testify before televised hearings of a joint Congressional committee that was formed to investigate Iran-Contra. The image of North taking the oath became iconic, and similar photographs made the cover of Time and Newsweek, and helped to define him in the eyes of the public. During the hearings, North admitted that he had lied to Congress, for which, among other things, he was later charged. He defended his actions by stating that he believed in the goal of aiding the Contras, whom he saw as freedom fighters, and said that he viewed the Iran-Contra scheme as a “neat idea”. North admitted shredding government documents related to his Contra and Iranian activities, at William Casey’s suggestion, when the Iran Contra scandal became public. He testified that Robert McFarlane had asked him to alter official records to delete references to direct assistance to the contras and that he had helped.

North was tried in 1988 in relation to his activities while at the National Security Council. He was indicted on sixteen felony counts, and, on May 4, 1989, he was initially convicted of three: accepting an illegal gratuity; aiding and abetting in the obstruction of a congressional inquiry; and ordering the destruction of documents via his secretary, Fawn Hall. He was sentenced, by U.S. District Judge Gerhard A. Gesell on July 5, 1989, to a three-year suspended prison term, two years’ probation, $150,000 in fines, and 1,200 hours community service.

However, on July 20, 1990, with the help of the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU), North’s convictions were vacated, after the appeals court found that witnesses in his trial might have been impermissibly affected by his immunized congressional testimony.

That is the incredibly KIND version, of course.

And, of course there WAS actually a CIA cocaine trans-shipping project through Panama, but when Gary Webb of the San Jose Mercury News uncovered the story, the Eastern Establishment press snarked all over the California paper until it shut up, and stuck Webb covering local PTA meetings.

Nobody ever really asked much about why, at Christmas of one year, Panama was taken and Noriga whisked into a federal prison, incommunicado thereafter. But, that’s probably just a coincidence.

But Oliver North was run for the Senate from Virginia (he lost). Thence to radio, and now to the Chautauqua circuit and a weekly show on Faux Nooz.  Meanwhile, G. Gordon Liddy, Nixon’s Ollie North, sells you gold during the commercial breaks.

And he was on Lars Larson hyping his upcoming event at which Lars will be in attendance, so one presumes it will be a paid ticket thing: Republican ex-felonapalooza. (Oh, wait, that’s Sean Hannity’s gig.)

Funny how lucrative crime actually is, contrary to popular moral sentiment.

So, as wild geese lead the day’s attempted assessment of reality, Congress has only worked 41 of the first 127 days of 2012, and we can all take comfort in that.

It IS an election year, after all.

Gary Webb*

But you know, “spiking the ball” has another, more appropriate meaning here:

It is making a hole in a bladder filled with compressed gas.

Leaving the actual argument, once the puff has gone out of it.



* On December 10, 2004, [Gary Webb] was found dead from two gunshot wounds to the head. Sacramento County coroner Robert Lyons asserts that it was suicide, noting that a suicide note was found at the scene. Webb’s ex-wife, Sue Bell, said that Webb had been depressed for some time over his inability to get a job at another major newspaper. (Wikipedia) Click photo above for Webb in his own words.

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4 responses to “Spiking the Football

  1. Several years ago, i punched Lars Larson’s lights out. at the Deschutes County Fairgrounds. It’s why he carries a gun. It’s also why he won’t come back to the High Desert. If he did, i’d do it again. And if he pulled his gun (please, do)…

    • You, sir, have my thanks and my envy. Calling Lars a douchebag would be an insult to douchebags.

    • I hope Lars makes the stupid mistake of pulling a weapon on me some day. Here’s hoping.

      He is such a pathetic liar and pond scum. he bad mouths me for working to save lives around the world. We’ve repeatedly asked him to provide in writing documentation to support his “Bad mouthing of my work”. Yet to date he has not provided one single piece of documentation to support any of his statements.

      • Lars is the classic paranoid douchebag who is the LAST person on Earth you’d want carrying a concealed weapon.

        I don’t know who he’s so angry with and hates so much, but it’s sad to see that our society would reward him for making a profession of his misanthropy.