We Dominate the News With Nothing

After a day of frantic masturbation, the rightie blogosmear probably doesn’t even have a spare napkin.  The thoughtful observer knew that there was never a chance in hell that Obama was going to dump Joe Biden, but that didn’t stop a nonsense non-post by The Weakly Standardud from dominating the front page of Memeorandum all day long. (See previous post: “Look! A Squirrel!“)

And now the “heavyweights” have stepped in with today’s SCOOP:

White House says Obama will stick with Biden as running mate
Amie Parnes / The Hill

President Obama has no intention of getting rid of Vice President Biden as his running mate, the White House said Thursday.  —  Republicans are being “ridiculous” and are trying to “distract attention” with their focus …

Uh, duh.

But there is a larger issue here, and this continuation of my earlier post will attempt to precipitate out of the giant septic tank of utter bullshit:

Yeah, anybody with a brain knows that the Republicans ARE being ridiculous and trying to distract attention. That this coprophageous bottom-feeder Parnes feels the need to put it in quotation marks, bespeaks the paucity of nourishment on the bottom, and what a crack journalist she is.

And, before the RNC decides that by “crack” I MUST be referring to her vagina or something equally “sexist” let me be clear, I mean “crack” as in “crackerjack” or “crack” shock troops, or the crack of a bat, which has no ass nor  vagina, so don’t go deciding to interpret my words in the sleazy manner that best allows YOU to feign the vapors.

Because that’s just what you did to Joe Biden.

You crack political operatives, you. (And by “crack” I mean smoking the cocaine-derived street drug, here.)

But that doesn’t stop the more hallucinogenic of the dumbasses of DESPERATELY HOLDING ON TO THEIR IDIOTIC MEME. Listen to doofuses (or is that “doofi”):

Nicholas Ballasy / The Daily Caller: Carney: Biden will stay, we won’t take VP ‘advice’ from McCain [VIDEO]
CNN: CNN’s GUT CHECK for August 16, 2012*
Libby Spencer / The Impolitic: Bring them the head of Joe Biden
Tim Alberta / 2012 Decoded: Running Mates Gone Wild
Little Green Footballs: Palin, Suddenly Concerned About ‘Black Americans,’ Suggests Obama Should Drop Biden for Hillary
Fox News: Ryan takes on Obama campaign over Biden ‘chains’ remark
ZIP / Weasel Zippers: Prayers Answered: White House Says Obama Will Stick With Biden As His Running Mate…
Jim Hoft / The Gateway Pundit: Hooray!… Obama to Stick With Bumbling Joe Biden
Jammie Wearing Fools: Presidential Candidate Reaffirms Support for Shaky VP Selection
Algemeiner.com: White House Backs Biden for 2012 VP
The Lonely Conservative: Yay! Obama Won’t Dump Biden!
neo-neocon: The White House announces…
Bryan Preston / The PJ Tatler: Our Long National Nightmare is Over: Biden Will Remain on the Democratic Ticket
Steve Flesher / Conservatives4Palin: Thanks to Gov. Palin, The Democrats are Stuck with Uncle Joe – Update: Jay Carney Takes a Swipe at Palin

[* Note: CNN has been as corrupt as ever, a blot on the face of journalism, today "moving Wisconsin into the Tossup column" even though their polling indicates ZERO bounce for Romney in Wisconsin after the Ryan pick. Why? Well, "experience" says so.  In other words, CNN has decided Wisconsin is now a "tossup" state because they feel like it, without a SINGLE SHRED OF EVIDENCE TO DO SO! Well played former journalists now drawing a sinecure to play journalists on the crappiest reality show on TeeVee. Well played!]

Your super duper press corpse springs into action!

Don’t you dorks know that drugs are illegal?  Because a sane person, caught flogging a dead horse would QUIT FLOGGING IT, rather than attempting to twist their error into some kind of new reason to flog that same dead horse. But not these weasels.

Seriously: Sarah Palin “forced” Obama to keep Joe Biden on the ticket, when there was no chance in hell that Biden was going to be dumped? I would love to know what kind of twist-o-flex rumpus room exists in the vacuum between your ears, hateboy. Moreover, I would LOVE to know what idiot approved your driver’s license, because anybody tripping that heavily in public should NOT be allowed to operate heavy machinery as a matter of public health and safety.

Good ghod.

But my FAVORITE “journalist” of the day is this imbecile at Politico (“Gossip disguised as news, written by morons FOR morons!” ought to be their tag line), who HAD to get his clicks, and so wrote this (after noticing the longevity of the “lead” story atop Memeorandum, no doubt):

Blogs buzz over Biden-Clinton swap
By: Kevin Cirilli
August 16, 2012 04:09 PM EDT

Who knew the right loved Hillary so much? Conservative bloggers are having a hard time figuring out which they are enjoying more — Vice President Joe Biden’s latest gaffes or speculation that Hillary Clinton could replace him on the ticket….

Choosing Clinton, [HotAir idjit Ed] Morrissey continued, “might be exactly what Obama needs.” But Morrissey doesn’t think it’ll happen since former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin upped the ante and told Fox News she thinks Biden should be canned. “Obama wouldn’t dare take her advice,” he wrote.

“Biden’s erratic statements certainly should make Team Obama nervous,” wrote the National Review’s John Fund…. PJ Media’s Roger Kimball speculated that Democrats are growing weary of Biden, especially this week….

(Also on POLITICO: McCain: Would be ‘wise’ to can Biden)

John McCain reflects on HIS vice presidential choice

Uh, time out. The man who picked Sarah Palin AND lost to Obama and Biden has ANY credibility in this??? Surely you jest. (And YES, I AM calling you Shirley.)

The Chicago Tribune’s John Kass wrote, “Is it too late for President Barack Obama to pick up the phone, call Hillary Rodham Clinton and dump Vice President Joe Biden for playing the race card against Republican Mitt Romney?  [...]

And one nonpartisan blogger thinks it’d help to swap Biden for Clinton. Steffen Schmidt, a political science professor at Iowa State University, wrote:  [...]

And even some liberals are beginning to talk about it, though they think that Hillary is waiting for 2016, just as Arizona Sen. John McCain predicted yesterday on Fox News.

“In what may be a first, we actually agree with both Palin and McCain,” wrote The New Yorker’s Dan Amira…. Karen Hull on liberal site Bag News: [...]

But don’t believe the hype, wrote The Daily Beast’s Howard Kurtz. “Joe Biden is a lock to be renominated in Charlotte,” Kurtz wrote. “Everything else is just the sort of humid hot air that emanates from Washington in August.”

Look who’s talking!

Sheer masturbation on covering who’s covering the non-story ginned up from the semantic INTERPRETATION OF THE VICIOUS PRICKS OF THE RIGHT, while ACCEPTING that interpretation and even reprinting it.

Our press corps is working overtime! Excellent.

What a “crack” journalist you are, whoever the fuck you are. And, again, by “crack” herein I mean the “crack” of thunder that follows the bolt of lightning that a Just and Decent Zeus would heave at her to banish her to Hades where her derivative swill belongs.

Got it?

You have a non-story based on a vicious interpretation extrapolated into “Obama’s going to dump Biden and pick Hilary” all driven by the “respect” of partisan hacks who hate Hilary’s GUTS (demonstrably). But they manipulate it to the top of the Memeorandum page and the eternal gossip whores of Politico feel that they must REPORT on what the weasels are saying and, thus, push THEIR swill ABOUT swill to the top of the Memeorandum heap, thus keeping Politico “relevant,” with a non-story about a non-story based on a non-story, admitting at the end, via Howie (Not-So-Clean-Hands) Kurtz that it’s all a bunch of crap.

Alas for Politico, now that the non-story they were covering has been flagged as crap, their swill has dropped down below the top of the page. Awww.

But well played, you comatose stenographer of breaking winds.

As have they ALL played this soooooooooooo well.

And the falsehood remains the “truth” if you’re a fan of Faux Nooz, who have been prominent in ALL of this coverage of nothingness, of void, of aether, of that idiot wind blowing through the vacuum of a million empty crania.

Well played. Hope that Satan rewards his minions well for their yeoman service.

But it has nothing to do with “journalism” nor “news” nor “reporting” and we need to be CLEAR on that point.

SQUIRREL!

(Remind me to tell you about the fake cupcake brouhaha that also dominated the “news” of the blogosmear today. Turns out it was … fake.)

They dominate the news cycles with stories less substantial than cotton candy and more toxic than strychnine.

Courage.

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