Mooselini, Wasilla’s most famous blunder, busses the Romney campaign through her discoverer’s magazine, little Billy Kristol’s The Weekly Standardud:
Palin to Romney-Ryan: ‘Go Rogue’
“America desperately needs to have a ‘come to Jesus’ moment…”
9:19 AM, SEP 22, 2012
BY DANIEL HALPER
In a statement to THE WEEKLY STANDARD, former Republican vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin offers some advice for Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan, this year’s Republican ticket for president and vice president, respectively.
“With so much at stake in this election, both Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan should ‘go rogue’ and not hold back from telling the American people the true state of our economy and national security,” says Palin. “They need to continue to find ways to break through the filter of the liberal media to communicate their message of reform.”
Palin also suggests that Romney and Ryan can be responsible for an epiphany on this country’s fiscal standing. “America desperately needs to have a ‘come to Jesus’ moment in discussing our big dysfunctional, disconnected, and debt-ridden federal government” …
Epiphany? Do we REALLY think Miss Wasilla used that word? Cacophony, perhaps. But “epiphany”?
We get it, Sarah. Really we do. Your mentor and pimp*, Kristol, shares your fear that you’re retreating into irrelevance and that your fifteen minutes have elapsed.
And so, ordering Daniel Halper to call you up, he becomes willing stenographer for your idiotic political analysis, toiling manfully to make it seem even less insipid and prima facie dumb than it already is.
The bus for the campaign that never was, 2012
You “went rogue” and, except for the inflated sales figures of your eponymous “book” it was a complete disaster, a clusterfuck of Brobdingnagian proportions, even for Alaska.
In other earthshattering political news,
- Newly discovered memoirs of the Captain of the Titanic discover his advice for transatlantic crossings: “If you get reports of sea ice, ignore them.”
- “Don’t bother with all this vetting of Vice Presidential candidates,” advises George McGovern.
- “If you’re running for president, be sure to be filmed riding in a tank,” suggests Michael Dukakis.
- “Suspending your campaign and leaving Letterman to secretly tape an interview with Katie Couric is the way to win elections,” John McCain advises.
- “If you’re going to run for president and you’re Senate Majority Leader, be sure to resign your senate seat to focus on winning,” Bob Dole suggests.
- “The best way to win an election is to bug the Democratic National Committee’s offices,” The Ghost of Richard Nixon advises. ”All upside with no downside.”
- “Just say nothing and rely on the people’s weariness of the Democrats to win you the White House,” Thomas Dewey’s unpublished memoir suggests.
- The channeled spirit of Wendell Wilkie advises: “Try to be more like me, Mitt, and you’ll make electoral history. Just ask Alf.”
- “I second that. Just follow what me and Wendell did,” the ghostly, disembodied voice of Alf Landon opines.
- “Always believe everything you read on the internet, Sarah,” Abraham Lincoln advises, from his secret mountaintop retreat in the Himalayas.
I am certain that America can’t wait for more “insider” political advice from Ms. Palin on the benefits and triumphs that await political candidates who “go rogue.”
Assuming they can spell it the same way, consistently.
After all, there’s nothing worse than what happened on the Palin vacation to France, when they demanded to be taken to the Moulin Rogue, and ended up outside Grenoble in a shepherd’s cabin, waiting in the thunderstorm for the next chalet down the mountain.
America doesn’t want cur-age. America wants …
* “Pimp” as in “Attention pimp” for an “attention whore.” Any misinterpretation means — equivalently — that Ms. Palin is actually a subspecies of dog bred for combat.