Week One Results: Corpse Humpers v. Peeping Tom(asina)s

Like Mr. Ed, I try not to speak when I don’t have anything to say.

Petraeus agrees to testify on Libya before congressional committees
Fox News

Former CIA Director David Petraeus has agreed to testify about the Libya terror attack before the House and Senate intelligence committees, Fox News has learned.  —  Petraeus had originally been scheduled to testify …

For the week since the election, the sex life of one David Petraeus has been the Rorschach Ink Blot Test of the American Psyche. And, knowing no more than anyone else, which is to say, exactly nothing, I have been content to observe. The nation and its high military command has been gripped by L’Affaire Doofus.

You see, in the absence of facts, with only snippets of information, the human mind draws forth narratives from the depths of the Collective Obnoxious. The polite and politic term for it is “speculation” but the precise term for it is fantasy. And the amount of fantasy varies in direct proportion to lack of factual information and height of interest. Thus are we presented with superscheisstorm L’Affaire Doofus, which, like its namesake L’Affaire Dreyfus, roils the highest levels of the military establishment, has the requisite number of scapegoats, technically has its own ‘Devil’s Island’ at Gitmo, and lacks only its Zola.

And, if that’s not enough, we still have Bradley Manning.

The first part of it remains the “October Surprise” — the corpse humping of four dead Americans in Libya, as shamelessly as any sludge reporters ever made a buck by using the suicide of their personal friend and new administration employee AGAINST the Clintons, gleefully using the corpse as a political bludgeon.

And so, while their names might not be Vince Foster, they fill the same tired GOP viciousness, which has mindlessly arisen since the election.

“Calling for a Watergate-style investigation into ‘inadequate security in Benghazi’, ” as John McCain is screaming in my ears at this very moment on NPR news (11 AM PST). Lindsey Graham calls it the “Benghazi Debacle” saying that they will block anyone having anything to do with the aforementioned, copyrighted Meme term. Get used to hearing it.

OK: They’re enraged because Mitt stepped on the rake in the Candy Crowley debate, and took the whole “swiftboating” Benghazi attack offline for the election. Now, enraged and embarrassed, they’re emotionally reacting because those buckets of mud are still available.

But the weary American public just wants to know about alla them Tampa hot cougars and how ABC channel 7 in Denver indvertently pulled a photoshopped version of the Petraeus biography, whose biographer is admitted to have lain with the biographee in the Biblical sense.

The Denver ABC affiliate is currently apologizing profusely for this

Thus, in a Biblical America, the wave of sexual attraction/disgust is overwhelming. Sitting through “Inside Edition” was as uncomfortable as sitting through one’s first hard core pornography, which, in an emotional sense, is what it was: sheer bluenose pornograpy. The woman who complained. The woman who complained’s sister. The letters that the generals wrote for the sister in her messy custody battle. Next, the poolboy of the sister’s ex-husband’s new wife.  And BREAKING NEWS of L’Affaire Doofus

“We’re here in a house that’s exactly like the house that the schtupping took place on. This is the bathtub where the famous shower scene took place in. This ..”

(Inside Edition narration simulated for entertainment purposes only. No disparagement of their invariably exemplary video journalism implied or intended.)

And, over on the loony left, an expert of some sort is talking about ‘patriarchal’ power structures, and how the biographer could have prepared herself to file a civil suit against the biographee for sexual harassment — imputation of ‘blame’ explicitly denied, but we all know (radio wink, radio wink).

a radio wink

I have listened for a week now, and the only real conclusion that I can come to is that the election drove Americans mad. Perhaps it was the carpet bombing of ads in the final days, perhaps some janitor on Frunobulax VI inadvertently ramped up the power on the stupid ray, or that the asteroid Juno entered the astrological sign of the Game Show.

It is a prurience that has no real bedsheets to examine, and so speculates on those bedsheets. It is a partisanship that is annoyed that Petraeus’ actual humping has delayed their rhetorical corpse humping or, conversely, is bewildered at the storm of scheiss that has struck the vast rotating blades of a fan the size of SuperStorm™ Sandy — which we have all but FORGOTTEN.


Because Petraeus and Biographer did the beast with two backs.

A rash of ADHD cases is disturbing, of course, but an entire nation of ADHD is alarming. We do, after all, have nuclear weapons.

And, the American public needs to let the lunatic American media know that there are too many problems in this world for there ever to be a “slow news day.”

Rather, there are only lazy reporters. And willfully ignorant editors.

The intellectual storm that has roiled the USA since the election is comparable only to the enormous actual storm that roiled the East Coast before the election.

Hell, a lot of people STILL don’t have their power back on.

But we are obsessed with the sexual calisthenics of two persons that, frankly, I don’t in the least want to visualize. Ycch.

Good luck with that.

Score at the end of Week One: Peeping Tom(asina)s 7 Corpse Humpers 0.

But Faux Nooz is on the job. Expect a Corpse Humper comeback in Week Two.


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One response to “Week One Results: Corpse Humpers v. Peeping Tom(asina)s

  1. As well as your usual excellence, I especially enjoyed the analogy about ‘stepping on the rake’, lol.