CPAC is winding to its apocalyptic conclusion, as the world’s largest open-air asylum (0utside of California) screams, guffaws, belches, spits and farts its way into the history books.
Palin’s Big Gulp
Tiger Beat on the Potomac scrambles through the back rooms for a scoop to try and upstage those Usual Suspects at Home on Derange:
Scott Walker opens up about White House ambitions
Jonathan Martin / Politico
Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker acknowledged in an interview Friday that he’s open to a presidential bid and pointedly declined to pledge to serve a full four-year term if he’s reelected next year.
Walker insisted he was visiting Iowa in May only because he was invited by Gov. Terry Branstad. But when pressed about his White House ambitions, the Wisconsin Republican said: “Would I ever be [interested]? Possibly. I guess the only thing I’d say is I’m not ruling it out.”
Perhaps even more notably, Walker wouldn’t commit to serving throughout a second four-year term. He said his focus is on substance, not longevity.
“For me, it’s really a measure of what I’ve accomplished and what more I could accomplish if I was in a different position,” Walker told POLITICO at the Conservative Political Action Conference, where he spoke Saturday morning….
Seriously: who not on meds asks this question? Oh, wait, it’s Politico…
But even this Surrealist pottery does not suffice. The Usual Suspects are Far Too Krazey to be upstaged by a governor who barely survived a recall election …
Bachmann Accuses Obama Of Living A Life Of Excess
Igor Volsky / ThinkProgress
Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-MN) criticized President Obama’s so-called life of excess at the White House, arguing that the first family is living rich on the taxpayer’s dime as the nation faces sequestration and large deficits.
In one of her first major addresses since winning a close re-election bid in November, the Tea Party favorite conceded during her address at the Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC) on Saturday that Obama and his family “deserve to live in the White House,” before listing “the perks and the excess of the $1.4 billion presidency that we’re paying for”:
BACHMANN: And this is a lifestyle that is one of excess. Now we find out that there are five chefs on Air Force One. There are two projectionists who operate the White House movie theater. They regularly sleep in the White House in order to be readily available in case the first family wants a really really late show. And I don’t mean to be petty here, but can’t they just push the play button? We are also the ones who are paying to walk the president’s dog. Paying for someone to walk the president’s dog. Now why are we doing that when we can’t even get a disabled veteran into the White House for a White House tour?
Ah. Them fuckin’ lazy niggahs is sullying up the White House by livin’ like kings on the public dime!
The “wildly extravagant” fake meme kind of belies this lie, don’t it?
You don’t have to say it to SAY it. Dumbasses.
Give. Me. A. Fucking. Break. You. Pampered. White. Middle Class. Barbie Doll. Bitch.
Several rightie bloggers love to call the First Lady “The Mooch” because, of course, there’s that false meme that is NOT rational, but is real nonetheless, to generations of white crypto-racists. (They ain’t racists. They jes don’t think that dem Blacks is as GOOD as us Whites. Boy howdy! You get it? It’s a very Omaha attitude.)
Their blogs. Fuck ‘em.
So they attack the first family for being Uppity Rich Über-Consumers.
Really? Ronald Reagan ring a bell? George H.W. Bush? Dumbass Bush? They all lived high on the hog, but nary a White Barbie Doll peep was heard about the excesses of those Presidents. No: there is something deeply racial in the “mooch” charge just as there was in the “birth certificate” charge.
AND I’M FUCKING SICK TO DEATH OF IT. These are pigs. These pigs are AGAINST civilization. These pigs openly conspire to obstruct and jerry rig the vote. These pigs openly threaten murder over imaginary babies and imaginary friends whom they claim whisper this INSANE shit in their ears.
Yeah. She’s sane. Sure she is. Really. Swear to ghod!
But, leave it to Sarah Palin to truly encapsulate the alienation and extreme unction that the privileged white elite feel (and their brain dead wannabe sycophants), and the HORRIBLE thing that these … well, you GET it. They hate HIM because they hate HIM, and NOT because he’s BLACK, although they have a really tough time differentiating between the two sets of feelings and are constantly misspeaking.*
[* CPAC even featured a panel entitled: “Trump The Race Card: Are You Sick And Tired Of Being Called A Racist When You Know You’re Not One?” For a more hilarious version, see here. And here, with video.]
But, first a moment from our sponsors, courtesy of The Guardian, liveblogging (emphasis theirs):
Time for *the* most important navel-gazing award of the week: the ACU Blogger of the Year Award!!!! It is Katie Pavlich, the news editor at Townhall.com. She thanks the late Andrew Breitbart first in her acceptance speech.
Here’s more on her from the ACU press release:
Katie Pavlich is news editor of Townhall.com, author of the New York Times Best Seller Fast and Furious: Barack Obama’s Bloodiest Scandal and the Shameless Cover-Up, and a Fox News contributor. As a reporter, she has covered news stories ranging from Fast & Furious to the 2012 presidential election. She is a graduate of the University of Arizona with a degree in Broadcast Journalism and is a National Review Washington Fellow. Pavlich is also an avid lover of the outdoors and highly respects the right to bear arms.
Breitbart was against ALL civility, please note. Just win, baby, as AlDavis AlDavisson the ancient Viking was wont to say before a bout of looting, raping and pillaging.
1. “More background checks? Dandy idea Mr. President. Should’ve started with yours.”
2. On her husband, Todd Palin: “He’s got the rifle, I’ve got the rack.” [Pulls out Big Gulp]
3. “Mr. President, we admit it. You won. Accept it. Now step away from the teleprompter and do your job.”
4. “We can’t just ignore, though, that we just lost a big election. Yeah. Came in second. Out of two … Second position on a dog sled team is where the view never changes and the view ain’t pretty.”
5. “We don’t have leadership coming out of Washington. We have reality television.”
6. To College Republicans:“You’ve got to be thinking Sam Adams, not drinking Sam Adams.”
7. “If these experts keep losing elections, keep raking in millions, if they feel that strongly about who should run in this party they should buck up and run or stay in the truck. The architects can head on back to the Lone Star State and put their name on the ballot.” [Clearly this is a reference to Karl Rove]
8. “The next election is 20 months away. Now is the time to furlough the consultants, and tune out the pollsters, send the focus groups home and toss the political scripts. Because if we truly know what we believe, we don’t need professionals to tell us.”
9. To Washington consultants: “Get over yourself. It’s not about you.”
10.“Barack Obama promised the most transparent administration ever. Barack Obama — you lie!”
[* Don't believe 'haters'? Original title: "10 Awesome Lines from Sarah Palin's CPAC Speech." Has now been changed to "Sarah Palin's CPAC Speech Showed She Can Still Work A Crowd"]
Click for full-size image (suitable for dart boards)
Pure hate and arrogance and cluelessness. Insult and insult and Don Rickles has no competition here, no matter that the years have inevitably slowed him down.
But that’s the whole CPAC clown show isn’t it?
Still, none of this crap, this predictable crap, this nonsensical crap pretending that their electoral losses over a longer and longer term are not at all based on their unexamined belief system — you know, the one that claims moral superiority while hewing in practice to the gutter? — rises to the level of a really GOOD junior high movie based on the magnificent humorousness and intrinsic hilarity of fart jokes.
CPAC mascot, undoubtedly
If this is the “conservative movement” that movement had better declare intellectual bankruptcy and petition the judge for injunctive Chapter 11 relief while they train up new “leaders” with a passing acquaintance with facts, science and reality.
As it stands, it’s a third-rate reality show minus the emotional substance and “reality.” You know, like “The Bachelor.”
Oh, and look who had his old buddy give him a “philanthropy award” between Rick’s Speech and Mitt’s Speech. THAT, kiddies is the scary, uncovered news.
Click for full size image. Note that the speeches are in chronological
order on the American Conservative Union website …
Foster Friess. Remember January in Iowa, 2012?
Flipped image, but same image.