The Rats in the Walls

Coordinated push of conspiracy theories target Biden hours before debate
Ben Collins / NBC News

A conspiracy theory that Joe Biden would wear an electronic device in his ear during the first presidential debate went wildly viral Tuesday in the hours before the debate, and the theory was later amplified …

Ah, it’s fall, and you can hear them in the walls ….

Ratfucking is an American slang term for political sabotage or dirty tricks, particularly pertaining to elections. It was brought to public attention by Bob Woodward and Carl Bernstein in the book which chronicled their investigative reporting of the Watergate affair,  All the President’s Men (1974).


And if you wait for the silence, and listen carefully, you can hear them doing it in the walls, everywhere around you. Squeak! Squeak! Squeal!

Rats love to video themselves in the act. It turns them on.

Oh, and there’s an explanation, but rats aren’t into explanations. It doesn’t turn them on.

Now, minutes before the debate, they resurrect a real scandal that they buried and accuse Biden of having (as Bush seems to have had) an earpiece (for a Roxanne-esque channeling of the “right” debate answers). Because Joe Biden never debated anyone or anything in his decades in the senate.

Preemptive cheating makes rats’ nipples stiff.

And its thalidomide twin news story:

Oh, and Trump wants to get even with American cities, win, lose or draw:

And this turns rats on to a degree that they just can’t help themselves.

And those are the rats you hear in the walls. Almost as scary as Lovecraft’s.

After all, someone who was mentored by Joe McCarthy’s hatchet man (Roy Cohn), who swipes Ronald Reagan’s slogan (“Make America Great Again”) and Tricky Dick’s hilariously hypocritical “Law and Order” would seem a natural candidate for stealing Nixon’s election tactics* as well (“ratfucking”).

At the end of the day, if this goes on, the bullet points will be actual bullets.


*For most of you, Nixon’s campaign for Senate against Helen Gahagan Douglas has long been considered one of the dirtiest campaigns in US history”:

Nixon’s campaign strategist, Murray Chotiner, explained his campaign philosophy this way: “The purpose of an election is not to defeat your opponent, but to destroy him.”

In those frigid days of the Cold War, Nixon not only impugned Douglas’ loyalty, but called her the Pink Lady, “Pink right down to her underwear.” Press editorials dubbed Douglas “the darling of the Hollywood Parlour Pinks and Reds.”

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